Wednesday, May 15

 Wednesday, May 15

           I am sitting outside of the youth hostel in strobing waiting for the five o'clock reopening time. I just took a photo of the hostel and the gate out front because it looked so picturesque; it was just begging me to take a photo of it. The building looks very German: three stories high with stucco walls, irregularly spaced windows with wooden frames, and a steep wood shingle roof. It's a sunny day and with the sun dappling on the grass out in front of the hostel it just looked so inviting. Someday if I ever get my photos developed you will get to see these images.

           Straubing is only 45 kilometers in the direction of Passau from Regensburg but I got a really late start -after two- so I couldn't get terribly far. It was difficult for me to get motivated because in Regensburg it was cold and very overcast and I thought I'd probably get rained on when I was on the road. But, no, it got nicer and nicer as I approached Straubing and now it's beautiful. I have plenty of daylight and I could easily reach Stuttgart in a couple of hours but I can feel I've really lost the desire to cycle now. After nearly three months of being on the road, I need something else. When I was on the road today I couldn't wait to go to the hospital so I could talk to people, write my journal, and study my German. Ubrigins

(by the way), two days ago I bought a German course- the books on tape and all to undertake my learning of the language.

           Later- now I'm in my room in the hostel. It's a room with six beds but I have the room to myself. In fact, I'm the only female in the hostel, except this one woman who is traveling with a bunch of guys from Stuttgart. This hostel is a little off the beaten track, fortunately. It's quite old but spotlessly clean. I met another cyclist heading for Passau. He's from Rothenberg and his name is—Andreas! and he's going to Purcell for the same reason I am- for the bohemian music festival. so we're writing to Purcell together tomorrow about 80 kilometers. Andreas my Andreas is most likely meeting me there on Friday evening. Oh, what am I saying? Most likely? PSHAW! He'll be there! I called him on Sunday evening and he seemed so dejected. He said he's having a really difficult time motivating himself for school. He told me I turned his world upside down. So he said he'd be in Purcell this weekend, whether he had to hitchhike, take a train, or fly! I think it will be necessary to return to Tutzing in order to save Andreas' career as an architect! Actually, there is a bit of seriousness in that last statement. This is the radical change in plans that I very briefly mentioned in my last letter. I'm tired of traveling but I really have no desire to return home. I really like Germany- it's a beautiful place and I'm in love with a certain resident here(only a small factor in my decision, heh heh . . .). I've been desirous of learning a foreign language and also been wishing I could be back in school (or at least anticipating of the time I do go back). I could work as an au pair somewhere in the vicinity of Andreas, I mean Munich (of course!) Where I'll be attending school. There are many details which have to be worked out, such as my meeting the language requirements in time for me to begin the next semester in November. In order to even apply for school, I have to prove a pretty good level of language proficiency. I don't know any dates yet but I decided to start learning the language as soon as I made the decision to do this.

           I think this is the only option for me, really. I mean, it makes sense from the academic point of view, but more important Yep makes sense from the emotional point of view. I mean, I feel like there's this invisible but extremely forceful rubber band of sorts that is attached to Andreas and if I try to cycle any further away from him it will just stretch more and more tight and make it more and more difficult for me to get anywhere. And I really need to get another Penn because this one is really making things really difficult for me. I'm very excited at the prospect of a whole different way of life that I might begin here. Of course, I don't want to get too excited because I don't know how Andreas will feel about it. The last thing I'd want to do would be to interrupt his studies. But I really can't imagine him thinking that it's a bad idea. I'm sure we'll discuss it this weekend, so I'll let you know. I might even return to Tutzing with him. We've only been apart for a week now but it's been really difficult for both of us.

           I wanted to mention my visit with Nick. The most important thing, I think, is the fact that he totally surprised me. I thought he was going to be Mr. Vanderbilt- you know, the type of person whom I have a hard time accepting as being a coexist are in my universe. The typical Vanderbilt story. Anyway, he's not. He's a nice guy and I really loved meeting him and talking with him about Scott. You have to imagine that was really weird for me to be sitting and eating dinner with nick hartshorn, the man I've heard so much about but who I figured I'd probably never meet. And it was also strange talking about Scott. I haven't really thought about him since I began my trip because I've had a lot of other things to think about. Nick and I compared stories and such about our experiences with Scott and I really enjoyed it. Scott was really a wonderful guy. I've known that all along but was just reminded of the fact during my two days with nick. I hope he's realized I appreciated him but things just weren't meant to be for us. After meeting Andreas, my heart just wasn't in it. Anyway, I think Scott will be attending the University of Colorado in the fall. I think that will be his savior. CU is a money school as far as state schools go but I feel it's worlds better than Vandy. And I hope he's finally able to grow some wings and learn to fly on his own. Even 2000 miles away from his folks, at Vanderbilt, his mother ran his life for him and that's just not good for a 22-year-old. anyway, Nick was great. I'm so glad I got to meet him.

Thursday

Andreas (my cycling partner) and I are camping in the wild just outside of Vilschofen, 25 kilometers west of Passau, direction Deggendorf. It was a good day of writing as we followed the Donau (Danube) the entire way. Speaking of the Danube, there is a bike trail which goes all of the way from Passau to Vienna along the Danube. Sounds so lovely! But I just don't know if I have the motivation to cycle much more. I had the crazy idea today that I could ride the entire course of the Danau from Passau As it goes all the way to the Black Sea. It goes through some of the cities I really want to see Vienna, Budapest, Bucharest. But as I said, I don't know how much more pedal pushing I'll do now.

           My German progresses quickly as I have made it a full-time job. My tape I listen to constantly on my bicycle and other times, and the workbooks I do for a couple of hours a day. It feels so good to be learning something. For three months I have been trying to convince myself that it's OK to be traveling only and not working or going to school or raising a family or doing something which is society approved. But suddenly I realized today that I was allowing myself to be persuaded into something I didn't want to do that is only traveling and nothing else- by trying to rebel against the accepted way of doing things. But I am much happier now that I'm learning and learning something important period important because I have this theory that when one gets to know another language well enough so that he can think in this language, it forces him (Or allows him) do you think differently. That's what I want. I want to become so immersed in another language and another culture so much so that it allows me to view life from a totally different perspective.

           Tomorrow Andreas meets me in Passau and we spend the weekend at the festival. After that Ich weis nicht (I don’t know). Until next time chus.

Sunday the 19^th

           I have been negligent in my writing because my time has been totally monopolized by one certain person. Andreas showed up at our designated meeting place at about 6:00 PM Friday. It was cool and overcast but it was a sunny day for me. We found a campground on the other side of the Danube, just down the hill from the music festival. The festival takes place within an old castle, upon the grounds of which are also a youth hostel, and an art Museum, and I don't know what else. The castle is beautiful and is high atop a hill overlooking the river (the Danube and the Ilz) and overlooking Passau. Saturday we went into the city to buy groceries for the next two days as Monday is a holiday and, as you know, holidays in Europe make shop owners lock up tight. The city was absolutely overran with camera-bearing fat people taking their bus tour or their cruise along the Danube. Passau (actually Regensburg) To Vienna is a very popular cruise. The grocery store was amazing; never have I seen one so crowded. So we did our business there and decided to try our luck elsewhere where there would hopefully be more people. We explored the castle and found the music festival. The festival turned out to be more of a freak show. And it cost 60DM to get in (about 35 to $40) for the three days and since Andreas and I only cared about seeing each other we had decided it wasn't worth it. I sent an envoy in to find Catherine remember they are (she and Christian her friend) the cyclists I met in Barcelona from Berlin who sell books. Who told me about the festival. Katrin was really happy to see me. Made me feel really good. Anyway, we talked for a while and she said when I come to visit them in Berlin we can take a trip to Prague or Dresden or somewhere. They're going to Munich this Tuesday after the festival so I think I'll go with them and talk to someone at the university about what I need to do to study there this fall.

Monday the 20^th

           Now I'm sitting outside the festival enclosure. Even though I'm not inside the gates, I can hear the music as if I were. I just got through talking to Katrin, who told me I can sleep there in their booth tonight and eat dinner and breakfast with them. When the festival is over the gates are all opened and you can go in and out at will and it's almost as if it's not over because so many people stay around and make their own music and parties. I've already checked in at the hostel for tonight but after I finish writing this I will see if I can get my money back, as I'd rather sleep on the festival grounds with people I know than in a sterile hostel overrun with school kits and families. Even though I don't want to stay in the hostel I think it's really beautiful. From my room on the third floor you can see the castle I told you about yesterday and you can see the beautiful Old Town of Passau and the Danube and the Ilz rivers. Germany is also beautiful!

           Picking up where I left off on Saturday, Andreas and I were both going nuts with all the people in town and at the festival and we just wanted to get away. So we started from the campground and began walking up the river. After a few kilometers we happened upon a little village and, way up on a hill, the ruins of a castle or something of that nature. We began ascending the hill and kept getting sidetracked by neat little houses or big majestic houses and just scenes that were so quaint such as I thought I'd never see outside of the movies or in a fairy tale like children playing in vast fields of flowers, etc . . . We finally reached the ruins which turned out to be a fortress built in the 12th century, in ruins since the 18th. We sat atop the ruins and could see for miles all around us. We saw so much green and the river and loan but not lonely houses. Back down in the village we had coffee at a gasthaus (restaurant) which sees probably very few English speaking people. I love going into pubs and restaurants in little villages because it really makes me feel like I'm seeing a little piece of that culture. The local people sit around and drink beer and converse and if they somehow hear us speaking English they all want to try to talk to us, and of course, they're really friendly. We returned to the campground, cooked our dinner, and debated going into Passau for a walk and a drink but decided that it wasn't important to do anything, just that we be together. So Andreas helped me with my German. Sunday we woke up to a beautiful sunny day. We took the bicycle back to the same village because we had seen come up from atop the fortress, a lake where we decided we wanted to have a picnic. We got there and discovered some walking trails through the forest and just wandered for a long time. Then we stumbled upon a restaurant with an outdoor terrace which serves knodel Which I'd never had and which Andreas had previously told me I had to try. So we had beer and knodel and I felt really charming. We continued hiking for a couple more hours and return to the campground at about six. We studied German together again, had dinner, and again debated going to Passau but decided against it again. This morning we packed up all our things, checked me into the hostel. And went down into the city. We went to Saint Stephens, a major Bavarian tourist attraction which houses the world's largest church organ. It was so ugly! All of these huge old churches which are so popular I find detestable because what catches the eye about them is the quantity, not the quality, of what's there. Just because it's gained public approval doesn't mean it's worthy of seeing (for me). In fact, the longer I'm away from America and the farther removed from American culture I become the less I want to see these things. I'd much rather see things like the fields and farmhouses and the local cafes in the little villages just like what I saw these past two days. In fact, these two days have been probably the best two days of my trip. You know, I've always been a loner but I've never wanted to spend my life alone; it's just that I've never before found a person I could stand to be around for a long time. But I've always had the feeling I would find the person. And now I know I have. When I'm with Andreas, everything seems so much more intense period it's almost like a drug. Everything green is really green and everything that smells good smells really good and everything seems interesting. And I'm so comfortable around him. He doesn't say much (quality, not quantity) so I have time to think to myself. It's like I have the mental freedom of being alone, but I'm not alone. I've never had such a feeling around anyone before. And when we're not together I don't have to worry about him chasing after other girls because I'm so confident (as I think he is also) in his devotion to me because I've never met anyone like Andreas, so suited to me. I feel like there's no one else out there like him. He searched for the perfect combination of attributes and I feel so lucky to have found him. And it's obvious he feels the same way about me. All this is really great and everything, but it makes things quite difficult. I don't want to leave him but I know I have to keep traveling, at least for a little while. Besides, he's in school until August so I wouldn't know what to do in Tutzing. At any rate, this is my plan for the immediate future. Catherine and Christian are leaving for Munich tomorrow and can take me and my bike and all my things. So I go with them and stay in Munich until Saturday or Sunday when they go to Berlin. In Munich, I will go to the university to talk to someone about what I must do in order to study there in November. I will probably spend Thursday and Friday with Andreas. And maybe Saturday. Then I go to Berlin with Katrin and Christian and I think I'll try to get a job. It would make learning German easier, I think if I know some German-speaking people who would be willing to help me. Plus, from August to October I don't think I'll be working, as those are the months Andreas has off of school. And then I begin school in October as I must take a three-week intensive language course before entering school in November. I will try to get a job as an au pair with a family because I couldn't afford to live in Munich otherwise. It's the most expensive city in Germany.

           In order for me to stay in Germany, there are some requirements I must meet. One is that I must prove that my study visit to Germany has been financially secured (approximately 1000DM per month) I think the way to prove this is by receiving a letter or something from you guys that says yes you are my parents and are willing to pump 1000 DM per month into the German economy. But considering the fact that Keith barely had enough money for a train ticket to Kassel, I don't think this is a real problem period since school is free here I have no idea how I could spend 1000 DM per month. I didn't do it at home, so why should I be here.

Tuesday

           I'm now back at the festival which was over last night helping Christian and Katrin take everything down. Looks like a tornado ran through here. I found some great material which I can dye and make into a dress and a woven blanket I can make into a sweater. We leave soon for Munich, a 200-kilometer drive. So I can see Andreas again! And maybe I can use his mother's sewing machine to make my dress . . .

           Before I forget I must mention that I did not read The Three Musketeers and have no idea why you thought I did. I read Les Miserables.

           I would like you to call a travel agent and ask about my possibilities for buying a Eurail ticket. Sweden is far, especially Sundsvall (Magnus city) and I have lots of far apart places I want to go. I'm interested in one which is very flexible, like 8 days of travel within a month or something like that. When you call, it is important price-wise to mention that I am under 26, and I want a second-class ticket. Record your findings and keep them close to the phone so next time I call you can tell me. It's perfectly legitimate for you to buy it for me and send it to me because all that's necessary is that my name is on the ticket. Don't know for sure if I'll do this, but it seems like a good idea.

           I received the letter with the card and one letter from Madrid, but not the one with Ben's letter. Maybe it will be at Andreas’ when I get there on Wednesday (tomorrow).

           Had a pleasant stay in the hostel everyone in my room except one was on a bicycle (four people). and there was an amazing breakfast. At every hospital I've been to the breakfast has been bread, butter, jam, and choice of coffee, tea, or chocolate. At this one there was usually with yogurt and milk, several kinds of bread and honey, jams, or nusspli (This European hazelnut, creamy chocolaty concoction which is amazingly delicious and which I've never seen sold in the states). there was also cheese and sausage, and the usual choice of drinks, plus orange juice. It was so good!

           We are now leaving Passau and I realize I've had a great stay here.

           As I was helping take down the booth, I discovered a card which read “if you accept uncertainty and commit yourself to the unknown, you create a relaxing faith in the universe -Zen tenant 10.” This is how I try to live during my entire trip, and I hope it extends into the rest of my life because that is how I want to live. I think there's no other way for me to live and be happy. Just thought the quote was interesting because it verbalized exactly my inner feelings.

           In order to decide where I'd like to go to school, I must decide what I'd like to study. This is very unfortunate because I really don't know, any more than a year ago, what I want to do. I was expressing my concern to Catherine about this issue, and she has offered to help me decide by reading tarot cards. She has been doing it for years and says that very often she's right about things. So when we are in Munich we will do this and see what happens. I'm excited because I think this will make me open my eyes to possibilities and I might not have seen before. By the way, Andreas’ address is 8132, not 8432.

           Don't count on me making friends with any servicemen over here, as I have been avoiding Americans like the plague. When I was in Regensburg I Only saw Americans with Americans and rarely saw them speaking German. Also, nick bought food for us for dinner one night. He bought canned mushrooms and instant tomato sauce mix. Must use Europeans I've met rarely eat canned food, If ever, and in the case of tomato sauce, would probably opt to make his own. I've gotten so used to the European sensibility that the American seems so well American!

           When I was in Passau I realized that I must be doing something right in my travels. I was there to meet Andreas, so that was one person I knew. Then there were Katrin and Christian at the festival. Also, there was Joachim Who had put me up when I was in Freising who was from Passau and was probably there this weekend. Then there are the Servas hosts who would likely have been very hospitable to me if I called them. It's a really good feeling, like I'm not alone, even though I am.

           Don't understand why you keep mentioning photos. It's very expensive to develop them here so I've been planning to wait until I return home. But now that I've decided to stay indefinitely I may develop some. My first six or seven rolls, though are either in Darmstadt or between Darmstadt and America on a ship. Don't know. depends on where my rucksack is. Explanation: After picking up my rucksack in Kassel and after Kai dropped me in Darmstadt, I was forced to leave it in Darmstadt, as that was when I was out of money. Told Thilo to hold it for me and he could mail it for me when I mailed him some money. But maybe he hasn't mailed it. I'll have to call him and see.

           At the beginning of my trip when I was cycling with Keith, two nights successively I dreamt I had gone back home already. It was a bad feeling because it was too soon to have accomplished what I wanted to accomplish (whatever that may be). Now it's three months later and I've seen the two major things I wanted to see Barcelona and Andreas but there's still no way I'd want to go home. There's so much left to see! More importantly, still more people to meet!

           You can continue writing me at Andreas' address and he can forward them to me. Must go because this pen is driving me nuts.

Auf wiederschen,

Julie

Tuesday, May 7

 Tuesday, May 7

           Hello from Tutzing (still!)! It was last night that I talked to you on the phone again, being in a much better state than before. I've been here almost a week now and I know I should be moving on, but it's really hard. I woke up this morning to a cold, damp, and dreary day and come up, believe it or not, I was happy! It gave me an excuse to stay longer. I could really use my Patagonia coat right now, as Bavaria doesn't seem to realize that it's May. Thursday is supposed to be nice (maybe even tomorrow will be) so I should be gone in a couple of days. Even though I don't want to leave Andreas, I will go nuts if I stay here. He started another semester yesterday and he's not around during the day and I don't much like feeling like a lady in waiting. Not my style. I think I'll head north to Regensburg via Dachau (Concentration camp). after that, either check Czechoslovakia or Berlin hopefully.

           I have to ask you to treat my last letter with a little more discretion than the others, as it was more like a diary than a letter. I almost felt bad sending it to you for Andreas' sake, because I didn't know if he would want me to tell you all that I did. He's a very private person, I'm sure you can tell. But he can't blame me for wanting to tell my parents that their little girl has fallen for him. It's the kind of thing parents like to know (I think), and the kind of thing I like to tell.

           One thing I can't forget to mention is Andreas’ mother. She is really an amazing woman. She's always doing something, and it seems it's always for the family, not for herself. Every evening there's a gourmet meal, for the preparation of which she accepts no help. Believe me, I've tried, But to no avail. Sometimes she doesn't even eat with us, I guess because she ate as she was cooking or something. Dunno. but she always serves everything, clears the table, serves dessert, and washes all the dishes. I try every night to help her clean up, but she always says, “I have time tonight.” After all that, it seems like she should rest, but no. She usually sews in the evening. Andreas had given me a shirt to wear which I wore to the dinner table. She told me “I have also soon (sewn) that shirt.” I began inspecting it and was totally amazed. The workmanship was impeccable. And what I couldn't understand was why she made it. It was an unattractive wool checkered shirt that I'm sure you could find in the store for an inexpensive price. But to look at the shirt closely you'd think she poured her heart into making it. And then if she's not cooking or sewing, she's tending to her garden or at work, where she goes to someone's home and cares for two small children. Every evening at 6:30 she takes the car and waits for her husband at the train station. She seems to do all of this unquestioningly, as a matter of course and expects nothing in return. When I first got here and watched her (in amazement) I found myself wishing I could be like her. As I see her every day doing the same thing, I realize there's no way I could be like her. I wouldn't be happy. I guess I'm too selfish to be so devoted to other people. It's interesting to see how her husband and her two sons act with this treatment. Since they've always been given this kind of care, they don't seem to think twice about it or realize that they should be appreciative. So, even though Andreas has not been spoiled by money, he has been spoiled by love and attention. She's really had a profound effect on me and I wish I could tell her but she doesn't speak English very well. I'm not sure she would understand exactly what I was trying to say. I've tried to express my feelings about her to Andreas, but he doesn't seem to understand why I feel the way I do. He's been to America and, being an intelligent guy, can see the sad state of the American family. But he still doesn't seem to understand how fortunate he is. Let's let him visit our house and he can really understand how lucky he is! Just kidding.

Wednesday the 8^th

           I retract my statement about the weather. Maybe Germany is finally realizing that it's May. This morning I awoke to discover that the day was cold but clear. As the day wore on it became increasingly hazy but also increasingly warm. This is fortunate because I had pretty much decided that I was going to leave Tutzing regardless of the weather. I rode north from Tutzing and rode around Munich to the west so as not to have to negotiate the traffic. I was trying to head for Dachau, where there is a memorial to the Nazi concentration camp that was there. I had a very difficult time getting there, though, because the roads aren't marked very well and people’s directions were quite useless. I ended up going as far west as Olching, and from there went to Dachau. when I first began researching things to do in Germany I ran across a mention of Dachau, and the mere mention of the city gave me the creeps because I knew of its role in the Nazi Holocaust. So today when I was riding into the city it was a strange feeling to actually be there. I went to the camp and looked at the barracks and the crematorium. After such a silvering experience I was in a reflective mood for the 22-kilometer ride to Freising. Got two Freising and tried to call the Servas host listed in the book. But her phone number was no longer valid, and information had no record of her. So, I decided to go to the address listed in the book. It was at Dombery 16. Dombery Is a neighborhood situated around a Still leading up to the really beautiful cathedral (dom means cathedral and berg means hill). All of the buildings are old, and the streets are cobblestoned and narrow, and it was really fascinating just to walk around. I didn't find my host, so I decided to go hunt down some food at a cafe. Got a great spaghetti dinner at a student hangout. I was soon joined by a man looking for a seat, since in Germany if you can't find a free table, you can just join someone else. His name was Joachim, from Passau. We talked for a while and then I asked him if he knew any way I could find my Servas host. Perhaps a student directory, as she is a student. He said it looked pretty unlikely. Then he said he was working in the dorm for agriculture students, which has 200 beds, 107 of which are vacant since they're on vacation. Presto! A place to stay! We picked up my bike (after I called Andreas--you know, it's been so long since we've seen each other!) And he brought me back to the dorm to take a shower. Then we went out to a local pub for a beer and had a good conversation. I think, while traveling this way may be a little risky, it's so interesting because I meet so many people. If worse came to worse tonight I could have gotten a room at a zimmer (hotel) Or something, but I didn't want to do that. Now for the sake of money, but because that's the boring way to travel. I guess I could have gone a little outside of town and found a place to camp, but I didn't want to leave the city, as I found it very beautiful. It seems like there are two major categories of cities in Germany: those destroyed by the war and those not. Freising is a not. Many old buildings and old steep windy streets through town. And so I was lucky to meet this generous interesting fellow willing to put me up for the night.

Thursday the 9^th

           I neglected to mention how nice my ride was yesterday. It was a beautiful day, and I was happy to be cycling again. Plus, my experience in Tutzing what's good and it just made me feel like I'm welcome in Germany. When I'm cycling, my psychological disposition makes a world of difference. If I don't feel like cycling, it's difficult to do even 50 kilometers. Yesterday I did 115, more than I've done yet on this trip on any one day. Today I covered 90 kilometers, the last 15 of which were really impossible (I'll explain why later), and made it to Regensburg at about 9.

           This morning I was able to see how beautiful Freising really is. I was going to leave immediately but Joachim wanted to take me to get breakfast; how could I resist? We went to an outdoor cafe and had an enjoyable time, not so much because of the food but because it was a beautiful day and I enjoyed watching the Father's Day revelers. (It's Father's Day today.) There's the tradition that on Father's Day the fathers go out together and ride from house to house in the back of a pickup truck. They obtain beer at each house, which is the reason they ride in the back of the truck (so they don't have to drive). The breakfast was good but quite insufficient. Since we didn't eat until about noon, I had had time to work up a really voracious appetite. When you're cycling 100 kilometers a day your appetite can be almost inhuman and my spaghetti dinner the night before had also seemed a little sparse. But I figured I'd just go buy some food at a grocery store. I didn't realize until I got on the road (about 1:30) that since today is a holiday (it’s also a religious holiday-Ascension Day (not sure how religious people in America refer to it)) everything’s closed. That's the way all of Europe seems to be-- when there's any reason to close businesses, they do. So, I left Freising hungry and not knowing how I’d obtain more food. 25 kilometers to the north of Freisins In a small town called Rudelhausen I discovered a local carnival. I went into the tent and found it packed with masses of people and large beer maids running around everywhere, at the far end, at 16-piece band of men (also drinking beer) playing what I have to assume was German music. There was a definite celebratory mood in the air. I've discovered that the Germans know how to work very hard; they also know how to play hard. I managed to find a 250 DM and worth every penny. Pretzel, listened to the band for a while, wish I knew German so I could talk to the people, and then went on my way. The pretzel really hadn't even begun to fill me up so I was still quite famished since I've gotten such a late start and still had 65 kilometers to go I knew I'd have to go the rest of the way with virtually no rest. With 20 kilometers left I felt like I just couldn't go anymore, and a few kilometers later I began breaking into a cold sweat. With about 12 kilometers left I stopped in Bad Abbach (bad = bath) to try to find a Servas host that could pick me up. The last thing I wanted to do was get back on that bicycle. In addition to my other problems, I've got bad saddle soreness. Kai gave me a pair of cycling shorts, but I think they're too big because with all that extra room there's lots of opportunities for them to move around and make painful problems for me. Wasn't successful in finding anyone to pick me up but I did find someone to take me for the night. Before I could go anymore though, I had to get something to eat. So, I went to a restaurant and had a piece of apple pie and a cup of coffee. Had that because it didn't have to be cooked, an unnecessary feature of whatever I chose as I was quickly losing daylight. Went on my way and had a difficult time making it to the city but was comforted by the fact that I had a definite place to stay and by the small morsel of food in my stomach. When I got to the Poeppel’s Flat it was dark. Fritz showed me my sleeping quarters and offered me food. Guess it's obvious what kind of reception that offer got! Over my snack, we talked, and I asked him where he learned his English, as it sounds very British. He laughed and said, in what seemed to be a joking manner, “Nashville Tennessee.” I immediately began to retrace our conversation in an attempt to remember if I'd mentioned where I'm from, asked Fritz as much, and he said no. So, he was very surprised when I told him that that's where I'm from. He spent the 1971/72 school year teaching German at Vanderbilt! Now he's a German and English teacher at a gymnasium (high school) in Regensburg. His wife, Hanne, is also a German teacher, but I don't know what level. And guess what? They have a Yugoslavian au pair who went to college at Belmont!! I haven't yet met her, but I really look forward to it!

           Tomorrow, I plan to either sightsee around Regensburg or take a side trip in the area on my bike. At any rate, I want to stay at least the weekend because on Sundays at the very famous (or so it seems) cathedral of Saint Peter, the boys' choir sings. And I think you know I love to hear boys’ choirs! In addition, Nick, Scott's best friend, won't be here until Sunday night. Scott Mosley, Jason Parker's friend that I met in Aix-en-Provence, also goes to the university here. I left a message at his dorm for him to call me here at the Poeppel’s. After Regensburg, Nuremberg. After that, either I go to Passau for the music festival, or I go climbing with Andreas close to a tiny village of 100 people called Aicha. Don't look for it on the map. It's just 15 or so kilometers west of Ingolstadt, which is about 70 kilometers north of Munich. It's difficult to decide what to do. I'd really like to see Christian and Katrin, the strange-looking Berliners I met in Barcelona, again. They have a booth at the festival. The festival itself seems like it would be, at the least, interesting. I asked Joachim About it, and he called it a freak show of sorts. I should have guessed it since the likes of the Winters Are involved. And Joachim said I can stay with him if need be. Sleeping would be no problem in Passau, though, because there is a youth hostel, 5 Servas hosts, and a special camping area set up just for the festival. The last option seems the most appealing to me because I'd probably run into some interesting types. Now that I think about it, it seems like I should choose the festival over climbing (notice I didn't say over Andreas) because I have many more chances to see Andreas.

           Speaking of Andreas, he told me something which sent me into a tailspin of thinking. I had thought, for some reason, that he has only two weeks or so off of school in August. But he doesn't return to school until the middle of October. Of course, we both want me to stay the whole time. And I think I may do it. It would give me an opportunity to get a job and to learn German. And he will have his motorcycle back together by then and we're already making plans to ride around the Alps and who knows where else. I could stay until Oktoberfest and then return for Sara’s big day. So, she better not have it early.

           I have to apologize for not noticing that the one address grandma gave me in her letter was Magnus’. She probably thinks I'm the one who's senile! I plan to go to Sweden for the Midsummer celebrations at the end of June. They say the best place for this is in the Dalarna province. Sundsvall, where Magnus’ family lives, is north of here, on the coast. I will write to Magnus and see if I could visit him in June or July.

           Joachim Ask me a question this morning which has gotten me thinking and has gone so far as to disturb me. Through a long conversational chain, the question came up as to the things in life that I love, or that are really important to me. I couldn't answer him. Viewing art and architecture seemed like a silly answer because it seems like that should be more of a pastime, although I do find it very inspirational. I do love to meet people and I guess that's one of the reasons I took this trip. But another major reason for this trip was my inability to decide on what to pursue as far as my education. I can't seem to find anything I think I'd really want to study. It seems like everyone else has his things that he holds dear. Andreas has his architecture and his motorcycle and his climbing (and now me!). for Keith it was cycling. For Joachim, it is his plants. It made me think about what I'm living for. Don't worry- I'm not getting suicidal- just pensive. Maybe I hit upon something when I mentioned my love for people. I seem to have incredibly acute instincts about people, as well as a great ability to “read” them. the day I got robbed, I could just feel something strange. I knew something was going to happen. And then the day I was in Darmstadt, nearly penniless, and the guy at the bank told me that obtaining money would be very difficult, but I wasn't affected in the least. I just had the feeling something would come up. And not even 5 minutes later Martin gave me 100DM! And this whole situation with Andreas, well, I knew when I met him that something very special happened and remained totally confident that, even if he didn't feel it as strongly as I did, there was some undefinable bond between us. We talked for a mere two hours or so in California but even during the seven-month separation I just felt that when I saw him again I would likely fall head over heels for him (again). And I couldn't conceive that it would only be one-sided. And I was right! And Joachim warned me about the danger of doing things like staying with complete strangers, as I did with him. But I could tell from the start that he was harmless. I could see it in his smile. Maybe I'm just psychic. If so, I could become very wealthy duping (I think that's the word) people out of their money!

Friday the 10^th

           I think, on a trip like this, I meet these types of people: those who have little effect on me, those who change my travel plans, and those who change my life. I think my Servas host I'm staying with tonight is the third type. The wife is from Nebraska and her husband is German. The first clue I had of the wife's distinctive personality was when she mentioned that years ago, she had envisioned the house they are living in now in a dream. They built the house together and she didn't realize until it was finished that it was the house she had seen. She got her master’s degree in psychology, so I decided to ask her about what I wrote about in yesterday's entry; that is, my heightened instinctiveness that I seem to have in many situations. When hearing of my experiences, she said that I'm a very sensitive person, sensitive meaning that I can quickly size up situations and people. And she said I should develop this, as I'm young and have lots of potential. Thinking about this I became excited about the possibilities before me. The rest of the evening she kept saying things which forced me to look at them differently than before. For example, the romantic vision of the perfect long-term relationship is one in which you fall in love and your heart remains true to that one and only for the rest of your life. Mary, however, felt she had to test her feelings for her present husband by falling in love with someone else and seeing how she felt about it. I never even thought of doing that.

           Going back to the extra century experiences I've had; Mary feels I can develop them through Transcendental Meditation. This is not the first time someone has tried to convince me of the benefits of Transcendental Meditation. There was the employee of the zoo I went to in Montpelier, who didn't know much English, but knew how to say that he sleeps only four hours per day so that he can work two jobs and he is able to do it because he practices “meditation transcendental.” Of course, my desire to do it wouldn't be so I could sleep less and work more; it would be to become more in touch with myself. I think I need something which could help me do that.

Saturday

           Wanted to write more last night but was very tired. last night was the first night of the Dult Festival in Regensburg, a two-week celebration (like a carnival), the purpose of which is simply to bring people together. It's about 5 kilometers from the Fliederweg’s home. we were trying to decide whether or not to go see the fireworks which were to go off at 10 and I couldn't decide whether or not I wanted to go. So, Fritz (the father) asked Angela what she thought (she's 11) and she said she'd want to go if we rode the bikes but not if in the car. I had had the exact same feeling and it was so neat to see an 11-year-old with that type of mentality. So myself, Fritz, Angela (pronounced An-gay-la) and Michael went to the carnival. It was a beautiful ride, a nice warm evening, and the entire ride was right along the Danube (Donau in German). the carnival was just like one I could see at home, with the exception of the huge beer tents. This is one reason I can't bring myself to live the life of a typical tourist. When you go to all the attractions and the festivals you meet people exactly like you and I'm not interested in that. I was so happy to be there with a German family.

Yesterday morning at the Poeppel’s their au pair Diana (pronounced dee-ah-na), who is 24 and very outgoing and laughs a lot, which I like. She told me all about her experiences working with families. She was an au-pair in London with a Jewish family who were like stereotypical Jews and were terrible to her, Treating her like a slave. They took a month-long vacation to Florida, where Diana befriended an older couple who saw that she was unhappy and who later sponsored her in her trip to Nashville. The man is the guy who owns Comdata, don't remember his name. Diana and I spent the day together walking around town, not really visiting the sites but just walking and talking. It was so strange being in Regensburg talking about Nashville with a girl from Yugoslavia! She told me I wasn't like the girls she met at Belmont (imagine that!) because none of them would ever do what I'm doing. In fact, she said I'm not like any of the Americans she met when she was there. We went grocery shopping, as I had told Fritz and Hanna that I wanted to cook dinner for them. We return to the Poeppel’s, and Diana showed me her room, which is in the attic and I think it's great because there's a large attic area and even though her room is off to the side and isn't very large, she really has the whole place to herself. Then Fritz told me he had forgotten that his aunt and uncle were coming that night for dinner so that 86’d my plans. They told me it was okay for me to stay but I had a feeling that they were just being polite so that's when I called the Fleiderwegs to see if I could stay with them. I knew I'd liked Mary when she called because she didn't mind that I hadn't given them any advance notice, but she did want to make sure that I understood clearly that they are not doing this Servas thing to be simply a hotel; if I came to stay with them I'd be expected to spend time with them. She said so many people just come to them because they've been sightseeing in Regensburg, and they need a place to stay for the night. I told her not to worry, as I'm not that sort of traveler. I found out later why she's so vehement on this issue. The founder of Servas came to their house and stayed for two days. Since the organization is 50 years old, he's quite old, and either getting senile or just dizzy by nature. She said it was hard work having him stay because he was always losing things and couldn't remember who he had just called on the phone, etc . . . He's about 5’2” and has only three teeth left. He's an American. Anyway, Mary said she spent a great deal of time ranting and raving about how people are abusing the organization by just using it as a cheap means of travel and that's not why he started it. He's very extreme about what he expects from people, though. He thinks the hosts should pack the travelers in their car and take them to the slums of Germany (which I have yet to see evidence of) and show them how the less fortunate live. He's from New York or Pennsylvania (Mary can't remember exactly where). at any rate, he's from the north and he spent some time picking cotton in Georgia; in Africa, he did something in some remote village. In short, he likes to really become familiar with distinct cultures and I think that's what he envisioned from his organization. And like many great, idealistic ventures of this sort, the original intentions of the founder(s) are not honored. It's unfortunate that this has happened, but I don't think he can condemn me because I am sensitive to, and agree with, the aims of the organization.

           When I told Mary about the Nashville connection between myself and Fritz and Diana, she said it shows that there is a connection between us. She didn't want to go so far as to be cheesy and say that we were destined to me but there must be a purpose to our meeting. I enjoyed meeting them on Thursday and also enjoy Diane's company around town on Friday, but no deep impression has been made on me. But--I have planned to return there tonight to cook for them and also to stay for the night, as the opera is close to their house (I will see the marriage of Figaro tonight) and it will let out quite late. I look forward to getting to know them a little better and think that some significant interaction will take place. And I can't wait to see the opera!

           Mary told me something that made me think a lot about possibly staying in Germany. She said that if I want to study in Germany, it's free. I couldn't understand why it would be free for me when neither I nor my parents have ever paid taxes in Germany. I asked Brett why, and he smiled and said, (because the Germans are so nice!) Later he said it's because Germans don't have to pay, and it would be really rude to make foreigners pay. Plus, to get an au-pair job I don't need a work permit. Almost any other job and I'd need one but since you're working in someone's home it's not necessary. So, I thought that maybe I could start looking for a job in August somewhere in the vicinity of Tutzing. then I could go home for a few weeks in October for Sarah and to get a driver’s license in wherever I decide to finish my education, and maybe register to vote. Then the next semester begins in November and lasts until February. By then I'd sure be fluent in German! however, in order to be accepted into a university, I have to pass a test measuring my proficiency in German. At this point, I really know none. But I think I could learn enough by August to get by.

           I still haven't told you as much about the family I'm staying with as I'd like to. As I said, they built the house. The only parts done by professionals were the foundation and electrical work. They call it a bio house as there are no chemicals used. The walls are Adobe the floors and cabinets have no varnish only oils. instead of fiberglass insulation, they use cork. They use no cement because, Mary says, cement takes all the harmful rays from below and above and they met them into the home, and it repels all of the good rays. I think it goes without saying that they're vegetarians and for years they ate no sugar. Mary made everything only with the most healthy ingredients. But now she has three children, the youngest being eight months old and she says it's really hard to do that all the time. they are deeply into the esoteric philosophy and way of life which, if you are not familiar with it, is difficult to explain. I'll try. In general, everything is connected to everything else. Everything is the same whether on a macroscopic or microscopic level. For example, I was telling Mary about my difficulty in finding good friends in America and that one of the many reasons I came here was to find a different way of thinking. I told her I haven't even been able to find people who seem to have the type of very serious yet carefree life that I think is the ideal way to live. No one seems to care about the things that I think are important- not careers or cars or things but finding my personal place in this universe. And I'm not saying that everyone should think this way. Not at all, it's just that that's the kind of mentality I want around me. Anyway, Mary thinks that Americans don't know as well as Europeans how to establish really deep relationships because America is such a young country, and it hasn't had to suffer as much as other countries. And she says that the American family reflects this difference. That's what I mean about the microcosmic/macrocosmic idea: the youth and subsequent lack of depth of suffering of modern America is reflected in the family and even in the individual. The individual subsequently has not the depth of emotions that the European has. I don't know yet if I agree with this, but I do know that there is something wrong, really wrong with America whether it be the president, feminism, the Ku Klux Klan or all of them or none of them I don't know.

Sunday

           I realized something after I had written that last entry. Mary is right about the suffering issue! I think the main reason so many people get divorced is because in America, society makes us believe that everything in life will be so easy and so people don't want to work at relationships. I know you, mom, have said that before about not wanting to work things out. Now I realize why this is the case. People are afraid of pain and suffering because they're not accustomed to it. But I've I think in a marriage, it's working through and surviving the tough times which create a strong bond. Pain is good because it means you're feeling. I realized something when I was in Tutzing that has gotten me almost worried. Maybe just concerned. I realized that I'm emotionally capable of feeling real, deep pain but not the soaring happiness found at the opposite end of the spectrum. I finally meet and mutually fall in love with the man I feel could possibly be the man of my dreams, and I'm not experiencing the real joy that should accompany such an event. Of course, I feel happy, and I really anticipate seeing him again, but it's almost like I knew it was going to happen, and I've known it for so long that I've gotten used to the idea. Maybe I'm just being idealistic about the relationship since I wanted it so bad. we really haven't spent that much time together and so there's no telling what will happen when we do get to know each other really well. But then there's another part of me that says you can know all you need to know about another person in two hours. It doesn't necessitate months or years of being acquainted. I don't want you to misunderstand me and think that I'm trying to tell you that I'm not happy. It's not that at all. It's just that I feel there's a certain higher happiness that I can't experience right now. When (not if) I do obtain this happiness, it will mean that I'm at peace with myself. And right now, I'm too spiritually immature to achieve that. I've learned so much about myself and changed so much just since I left three months ago that there's no telling who I will be the next time you see me. I mean, I'll still be the same person. I'm not going to shave my head and change my name to Babaramguru or anything like that, but I will be different. I am different.

           I've been telling you so much about my thoughts and, in Tutzing, my emotional roller coaster, that I've neglected to tell you what I've been doing. Back in Tutzing last Saturday was when Andreas made his epiphany, or whatever, and finally came around. So, Saturday night we went and saw a live band playing soul music. It was in a small town a little larger than Tutzing (but still small) 15 kilometers southwest of Tutzing, Weilheim. a few of his friends were there, the music was good, and Andreas is a great dancer, so we had a great time. we stayed until the very end and when we went outside it was snowing quite heavily. But we were okay because he was driving his brother's Jeep. I really like that Jeep because it's 20 years old and riding it is a great adventure every time. it's not like riding in a normal vehicle. Andreas gets to use it a lot because he is the mechanic who keeps it working. Sunday Andreas got all dressed up in his authentic Bavarian outfit (lederhosen and all) and we drove (in the Jeep!) to Andechs (northwest of Tutzing close to the Ammersee) where there is a monastery famous for its church and for its strong beer and its huge pretzels. It was quite touristy, and the beer hall was really crowded but you could tell a lot of the people were locals. We sat at a table with some people who seemed like they'd already been there for a while if you know what I mean. One of the particularly sloshed men seemed to take a liking to Andreas, I think because of his clothes. So he bought us beer. He tried talking to Andreas but was so drunk that Andreas couldn't understand him. Apparently, there are a lot of locals who have the weekly ritual of going to this place and meeting their friends and playing cards or whatever over a gallon or so of beer. To me, it seems really strange to have such things, the beer halls, and the monasteries, together. But the Germans seem to think it's the most natural thing since it's the monks who invented beer in the first place.

           In the afternoon we returned to Andreas' house, and I decided after about 5 minutes I couldn't do the typical thing and spend a lazy Sunday afternoon doing nothing. So, I had Andreas take me swimming. It was nice, but not so enjoyable because swimming, even in the winter, is quite popular and there were too many people.

           Monday Andreas had classes, but we arranged to meet in Munich to run errands together such as finding the parts for my bike and getting me more money. Never have I enjoyed running such boring errands so much! Tuesday, I spent in Starnberg with Andreas’ mother. Actually, while she went to see her mother I went about town. In the summer Starnberg is a resort town for the wealthy. I went to the local History Museum and to the church. Nothing spectacular but it was nice to get intimate with the small town. It was also nice to be able to talk to Andreas’ mother and I think mine and Andreas’ happiness was infectious everyone could feel it. Wednesday morning was also good. Andreas went to school a few hours late in order to properly say goodbye to me. His father hadn't gone to work because he was ill, so I got to spend the three hours before I left with his father. We had coffee together and he was trying to help me find a place to stay for the night. He didn't want me to leave because we weren't able to find any possibilities, except that one girl in Friezing who I tried to call but couldn't get in touch with. I could tell he wasn't happy about that. But I couldn't stay. I've been there a week already and finally I had nice weather, so I had to go. So, he gave me food and as I was getting on my bike he handed out 50DM to me. I immediately and vehemently refused as I could see no reason whatsoever why I should accept it. after all they had been very nice to me and had fed me and put me out for a week. Plus, I had my head in the clouds. When you're in love things like money don't matter. But he wouldn't accept my refusal and made me take it. I had a great day of writing which I had told you about. And then my night in Freizing I also told you about.

           Last night I was able to get a 5DM ticket to The Marriage of Figaro. Soon after it began, I remembered how I'd felt when I went to see The Barber of Seville. I enjoyed the music and being at the opera, but the story didn't have any meaning for me whatsoever. Last night was the same. I didn't even watch the performance really. I just sat in my seat and listened to the music and remained deep in thought. So, when I left the theater, I had absolutely no feelings for the actors and actresses but I'd had a really enjoyable time simply being reflective.

           Today Diana had a friend visit her. her friend is from Dusseldorf. and guess where they met each other? You guessed it-Belmont! they both know Meredith Maddox who graduated with me at Hume Fogg. Apparently, there's some really juicy love story in which Meredith was a prominent figure. Diana said she'd tell me about it later.

           Fritz has a friend here at the University of Regensburg whose title I'm not clear on but who used to be with the American study program. Fritz says he can advise me on staying and working in Germany.

Tuesday

           Still in Regensburg; I'm staying with Nick now. Been an interesting past few days such as a radical change in plans which may affect the course of my life. Enjoyed meeting Nick, too. I've got to go, as I want to mail this letter before the post office closes.

-Julie

Monday, April 20

 Monday, April 20

You can't imagine the amount of work it required to remember the date today. In fact, I wasn't even sure it was still April. I have been terribly negligent in my writing and I hope I can do an adequate job of catching you up on my adventures. When I left off so abruptly I was in Gießen. Gießen is a very boring town, but I guess it's good to see even towns like that since it's different from the touristy places. Friday night we had dinner here at Kai’s apartment, with three of his five roommates; and then they had all their friends there. It wasn't very interesting for me because they spoke German most of the time. I don't think it was an act of exclusion, they just didn't feel comfortable speaking English. The next day I took a short ride a few kilometers out of town up to an 11th-century church. The church was nice but the best part was the ride. Germany is very cycle-friendly as there are bike lanes or paths almost everywhere. Friday afternoon chi and I decided to go to Kassel to try to find Keith as we haven't been successful in doing so over the phone. After using about all of our resources available, we were very lucky to find an American who knew him in new how we could get in touch with him. We finally found him at about 11:30. You can't imagine how great it was to see him! We were so intensely close for what seemed like a long time, in a very intense situation, so that it seems like he's an old friend. we jammed as much catching up as we could into about an hour but then we had to leave, as the next day Kai had to drive the six hours back to Geneva. I wanted very badly to stay but didn't feel it was prudent in light of the fact that I really want to get to Munich.

           Sunday I spent a very long time poring over the maps, trying to figure out where to go. I've spent countless hours simply making plans and re-making plans, oftentimes only to change them once I get started. For me, that's one of the best parts of traveling. This is what I planned: Darmstadt to Speyer on Monday, Speyer to Stuttgart Tuesday, somehow to Freiburg by Friday, Freiburg to basil on Monday, and then Basel to Munich somehow. Well, I spent last night in Darmstadt with Thilo, the guy I met in the comarge in the south of France. Kai dropped me off there on his way back to Geneva. When I got to the apartment he and his friend were viewing slides of his trip to Thailand and Malaysia. I think he must have bought these slides from National Geographic or something, as they were just amazing photos. He saw some really remote places and recorded some fascinating images. And he's the type of person who seems to have the most interesting travel experiences, like getting lost in the jungle and meeting a Malaysian girl who decides she wants to marry him within three days of meeting him, and the girl turns out to be famous locally because she's in children films. In New Orleans he just happened to stumble upon a very small celebration honoring Jimmy Carter (who by the way looked fat in the photos!)

           This morning I got a late start, after organizing my newly acquired belongings that I got at Keith’s, and after having to just generally prepare myself for being on the road again. I wanted to try to cash the cashier's check you gave me, as I only had 10DM left. so, really, I needed to change it, as I was pretty much destitute. I was waiting outside the bank waiting for it to reopen at two and began talking to a guy, a German, who is asking me about my trip. When I re-emerged from the bank unsuccessful he asked me why. With a cashier's check, I'd have to have someone who has an account at that bank cash to check for me. I'm sure Thilo passing account somewhere, but I don't know him well enough to ask him to do something like that, as the money has to first come out of the person's account. Then there's a period of a few days of doubt when they have to check and make sure the check is good. So I didn't know what I was going to do. Even though I've learned to live quite cheaply, $14.00 doesn't go too far. So Martin then did something which moved me to tears, after I'd had a chance to recover from the shark. He took 100 DM from his wallet and said he hoped he'd see his money again. He gave it to me and told me that when I got more money I could repay him by mail. I blabber dawn about not having expected this kind of kindness from a perfect stranger and that he definitely be repaid as soon as possible, etc . . . he just smiled and said that life's just a big adventure anyway and you've got to make of it what you will. I think, in the 10 minutes that I knew this guy I fell madly in love with him . . or maybe with what he did- - and I'll probably never see him again. I still haven't recovered from that completely. At three, I left Thilo’s, heading for Heidelberg. The ride was beautiful. It followed the bergstraße, which is a scenic Rd passing through little villages and past vineyards and such. Virtually the entire time there was a bike path. I got to Heidelberg at about 6:30, not knowing where I'd stay--perhaps a campground, maybe a youth hostel. however, with both of those options a change of money, of which I have very little, is involved. So I decided to check my Servas handbook on the chance that there might be someone in there who doesn't require advanced notice from her visitors. The first person I tried was:

1.    Home

2.    a fluent English speaker

3.    not only willing to let me stay, but willing to pick me up.

What luck!

I am at the hospital now, waiting until Ute picks me up at 10:30. I called her from here because I thought that it would be nice to be at the hostel if I was unsuccessful in finding a Servas host. it's amazing how the smallest things completely changed my plans. I know I've said this before, but it's really true before I contacted Ute I wasn't sure if I'd even ride much farther South. If I'd had to pay for a hostel tonight that would have delved into my shallow financial supply and I probably would have just gone to Stuttgart and then toward Munich without going to Freiburg and Basel.

Tuesday

           considering the conditions of the weather today maybe I will just head for Munich. It's about 10 degrees colder than yesterday, maybe more-- that means about 50 degrees. And it's raining quite steadily. Everyone tried to warn me that it was still not really warm in Germany but I came up anyway. And of course, we all know why. Speaking of Andreas (which I was), the other day in Gießen when I was making my travel plans I was surprised to notice that Tutzing is not really in Munich at all. It's about halfway down on the West side of the Sternberger See, about 40 kilometers south of Munich. I mentioned this to chi and he made an exclamation of surprise and said, “who is this guy?” Chi says that alongside the Stammberger See is a very exclusive place to live. I just had to laugh to myself because this always seems to happen to me. Maybe I have a nose for guys with money or something. I really don't want to leave this area of Germany too quickly, Though, because I'm practically in the Black Forest now and would like to see at least a little of it. We'll see.

           Ute Is a very nice woman. She's 31 and she works with physically handicapped people in a place where these people live. She's about 5/2 and very physically active. She's traveled extensively and knows English, Italian and Turkish. She lives in a city about 15 kilometers east of Heidelberg. Weckargemund. tonight we're going to a party for her friends who are getting married. She asked me if I'd rather go to the party or, if I want, she could give me the key to her apartment and I could do whatever I wanted. I was surprised to find that I was eager to go to the party. I imagine it will be mostly German-speaking people who all know each other and who are considerably older than I. Confronted with a choice such as this six months or a year ago I don't think I would have gone to the party. Not that I really want to spend the evening alone, I just think I would have found the former option too intimidating. But since I've gotten here I've become increasingly willing to try to meet people. It might not always be the easiest thing to do but I think it's better than just keeping to myself. After the party, we are going to Ute’s boyfriend's flat in Badlangebbruken, about 30 kilometers south of Heidelberg. So I will probably leave from there to go to Stuttgart, as that would give me a good head start on an otherwise really long day of riding.

Wednesday, May 1

           today is a national holiday in Germany. Today is Labor Day. Today is a wonderful day. Today is the day. Today is the day I see him. If my sentences seem a little simple it's because I'm having difficulty doing anything which isn't directly related to thinking about Andreas. I guess I should tell you what's going on. I've been gradually realizing that it will take me a couple of weeks to reach Munich by bicycle and gradually realizing that I don't want to wait that long. It would be torture for me, knowing I was that close to him and having to wait. So this morning I decided to call him to ask him when it would be convenient for me to come. It was the first time hi it's spoken to him since the first day when we met. It was so amazing to hear his voice. It's difficult to describe how it made me feel period since I met him I think I've been inspired more by the romantic idea of falling head over heels in love with him. And as I've gotten closer and closer to actually meeting him again I've begun to wonder if I will be pleased with his personality and everything that he's made up. I won't go so far as to say that I'm afraid I won't like him, because when I met him in California there must have been something about him that impressed me so much. Let's just say I've gotten slightly apprehensive, although no less eager to meet him, I'll have you know. Anyway, when I heard his voice today I was instantly and intensely affected by it. It was like something divine. I know it may seem like I'm being silly but I was really in shock for the next hour or so. I couldn't think about anything else besides the sound of his voice in my ear and how it will be to see him. He told me that anytime I come is fine but that he has to return to school on Monday, after having had a month or so of break. So I decided that, so we'll have at least a few unstressful days together, I should take the train tonight. Right now I'm waiting to hear from him as far as when would be a good time to take the train. There have been few times in my life when I have anticipated something with such excitement. I will probably call you from his house to let you know I've gotten there and gotten my mail (that is, assuming I do. I hope I do, because I'm spending most of my (or rather Martin’s) money on the train ticket).

           Yesterday Ute and I went into Heidelberg as I didn't want to ride there in the rain and she had a dentist appointment to make. I went to a department store and bought a T-shirt for one DM (about $0.60). it was so amazing to see what a difference a $0.60 purchase made! The whole trip I've gone with one T-shirt and it felt so luxurious to be wearing something different, new, and genuinely clean! And I bought eyeliner. For the party, I was wearing eyeliner and lipstick, the first time I wore makeup in about a month and a half. I hardly recognized myself!

           Speaking of the party, it took place in a small village about 15 kilometers north of Heidelberg. It was called Losch. the unofficial entrance requirement was that you had to break a cup or plate that you had brought from home. At the end of the evening, there was a large pile of shattered dishes. I was soon separated from Ute and Hans as they went off to greet their friends and socialize with them. There were a few minutes in the beginning when I felt almost intolerably awkward and out of place. I remember the worst point was when I was looking around at all the people all seated at their long, typical German beerhouse type of table. Of course, I knew no one and was intimidated by the language barrier. I didn't know what to do. If I left that part of the party and went to another, it would be the same situation. So finally I decided to just go force myself into a conversation with the man whom Ute had pointed out to me as being her former boyfriend. There was no official introduction; I just went up to him and began talking. It was really quite an act of desperation. He was very nice to me and we talked for a while until another man came over and began talking to me period from that point on, I had a great time period I didn't realize it at the time but today Hans told me I'd created quite a sensation for the locals because they're not accustomed to having American girls come to their parties. We stayed until after 3:00 AM by which time I'd made good friends with the groom-to-be, a really funny guy who was honored to meet someone from Nashville. It's been interesting to see people's reactions when I tell them where I'm from. When I say Tennessee most people are only vaguely familiar with it, if at all. But when I say I'm from Nashville, they say, oh Nashville TN! I know where that is! And then of course the next question is always something like do you know Dolly Parton?

           If you are perceptive, you will have noticed a marked decline in my handwriting during the past few lines. I quit writing after “if at all” because I talked to Andreas again. We discussed the situation and decided I should go to Munich tonight. Now I'm on the train and will be in Munich in about 3 hours and I'm having great difficulties dealing with it. I probably left half of my belongings at Ute's flat because I was in such a nervous frenzy. And it's only getting worse. Anyone at the train station would have to be amazingly perceptive to see that I am a woman in rapture because I think I look more like a nervous wreck. I'm just in such a daze right now I don't really know what to say. It's very difficult for me to think. But I think it's important to try to record what I'm feeling right now because I've never really experienced anything like it before. But if I marry a jealous man I will have to burn this page as I think it really reflects how profoundly affected by the thought of, and the knowledge that I'm about to see Andreas again.

Later. (Very much so)

           just want to write a little about how I feel now. It seems like all my preconceptions and images I've been picturing in my head have been shattered. All but one that is, that there's some really deep down bond between myself and Andreas. It didn't take long after we met in the train station for me to remember why I fell so hard for him in the first place. When I saw him for the first time tonight in the train station he looked so much younger than I'd remembered. Maybe when I met him in California since he was traveling alone it gave him an aura of maturity. He lives in a very homie, middle-class house which wasn't what I expected at all. I had expected him to be the wealthy, pampered, and spoiled type of guy who has everything he could ask for. As it turns out, he never really has gotten on well with his folks because they can't understand his desire to create and to travel rather than concentrate on establishing himself in a career. He says they've always favored his younger brother. He wishes he didn't live at home but living in Munich is so expensive. He showed me photos of furniture and light fixtures and such things that he has made and either sold or given away. When sold, it was always at a fraction of the price they are worth. But he says he doesn't care because he just loves doing it. I've said exactly the same thing about my T-shirts. I didn't know that he did these things, but for a couple of years now I've had the vague idea in the back of my mind that I could design lamps and lighting fixtures as I'm fascinated by the effects of light and color. I'd also like to make my own furniture. He's quite the James Dean type- the mysterious handsome loner on his motorcycle always with a joke on his lips but inside always serious. You can see it on his face; between his eyebrows, there's a little furrow that I think is a constant reminder of his inner thoughtfulness no matter what his outer appearances. All night I've been wavering between disbelief that I'm actually here and a feeling that I'm right at home. There's just this cohesiveness I feel with him that makes me feel so it is with him. From what he says it seems like most of his life he's been misunderstood- by his family and by strangers- and he's gotten his heart broken a couple of times by girls who I'm sure had no appreciation for who he is. This has caused him to want to push people away. He told me tonight that when he starts to get close to someone he pushes them away and he says he wants to be alone and that he can be happy that way! A year ago or more you would have heard me saying the exact same thing! I think I should thank Gary, the older man in Chattanooga who befriended me and took me under his wing, for my change of heart. He was constantly preaching to me about how I can't live my life that way because I won't be happy. He said you've got to get your heart broken in order to love, and that for all the bad times, there are 100 good times to make up for it. I gradually began to understand what he was trying to convince me of, through my relationship with Stuart. Sure, I got my heart broken, but I have only good memories of Stewart and I'm only good things to say about him. So I know exactly how Andreas feels and I want so badly to show him how wrong he is. I asked him if he's so insistent on pushing people away, why did he let me come visit him? And he told me “because I think you're different.” so I think he senses, as I know, that this could be the start of something extraordinary.

           Good morning light is beginning to show, so I will try to get some sleep. But I think it will be a long time coming.

Friday

           I just got through talking to you on the phone. I guess I'll try to explain what's going on if I can

Saturday, about noon

           I couldn't. All I could do was cry. And now I don't really feel like thinking about it but I don't have anything else to do. I'm not sure where Andreas is since I haven't left my room except to take a shower. He may be working on my bike which has been having a few problems, but I think it says a lot that he hasn't come up here to check on me and offer me breakfast, as he's done the past two mornings. This is how things are: since I got here I've absolutely poured my heart out to him and let him know without a doubt how much I've anticipated seeing him. I've told him everything about how I feel and he's told me nothing. In fact, he hasn't had much to say to me the whole time I've been here. I've tried very hard to communicate with him but he's like a wall. But then every once in a while he'll say something that reminds me why I feel the way I do about him. And so then I grab hold of that and try to probe deeper but it does absolutely no good.

Monday the 6^th

           It would be an understatement to say that the situation has changed dramatically. This is the way it is now: when I came here and saw Andreas again I could see how right my instincts were about him. I really flipped for him, as I already had flipped for him once before. Even though Andreas is not very communicative (another understatement) I really felt he had to feel the same way because it seemed he had to. No one can feel so strongly about something and be wrong. So I banked on this conclusion and for three days my losses were quite considerable. I became increasingly despondent because it looked like what had been a major impetus for this trip and had been the object of my mental affection for seven months was turning out to be a major disappointment. And I didn't know what to do or where to go. I wasn't really in the sightseeing type of mood so I was trying to decide where I could go. I just wanted to leave so much. His family must have been thinking I'm one of the most unsociable people they've ever met because, with the state of things, there was no way I could make small talk. I thought about staying with a Servas host until the banks opened on Monday so I could get more money as I didn't have the money to pay for a youth hostel. But part of the deal with Servas is that you're supposed to do a lot of interacting with your hosts- a kind of verbal cultural exchange. and I was in no mood for that either. The weather outside was perfect to fit my mood cold and rainy. To top it all off, Andreas had had the feeling something was wrong with my bike, so he took it apart and found that the front and bottom bearings need to be replaced. The rack on the back is also Askew so that when my things are strapped in it rubs against the tire. In other words, things everywhere were a mess and the only thing I felt I had enough desire to do was go to the railway station and throw myself onto the tracks in front of the next Munich bound train. The worst part was, at that time Andreas had my bike in several pieces and so I couldn't just pack and leave. But I finally went outside and told him that as soon as he got my bike back together I could leave because I didn't want to stay there anymore. In response I got no questions, only the reply, “you don't have to” since that seemed to me that that was a rather convincing development in what had been looking like I lost cause I went back inside to have one good last sob and try to figure out what to do. I finally decided to take a train to Kassel where I could stay with Keith, who could also help me repair my bicycle. As I was finishing my packing, he came into the room and angrily asked me what was going on. He said everyone had been so nice to me; why couldn't I be the same? I told him, “everyone but you.” I told him that since I'd been there I told him everything I was feeling and he told me nothing. I could only say this between sobs. I don't know what happened during the next 15 minutes of silence but apparently, Andreas had a major change of heart or something. He began telling me how he wishes he could care for someone but that he'd been hurt very badly in the past and that he didn't think he was capable. I never believed for a second that he couldn't care period I just don't understand how someone could want to care for someone else and yet not be able to. I didn't tell him this. I just told him that I'd been crazy about him ever since I set eyes on him at the bus station truly a case of love at first sight and that I'd made a great emotional investment in him I said I know I was taking a big risk in doing so and also taking a big step and coming to Europe largely because of him, as there is always the chance that things won't turn out as expected. But I said I did it anyway because I don't think life will be the adventure it should be if you are always being prudent. I said I don't choose to live that way. Even if I came to Tutzing and got my heart broken, it was a grand adventure and a great story. Anyway, something happened in his mind or in his heart and he told me some things he said he'd never told anyone which I think, showed that he felt there was finally someone who could relate to him. Anyway, the past 2 1/2 days have been some of the most exciting in my life period now I can really pat myself on the back and congratulate myself for having such amazing instincts. I knew I was right about this, and now Andreas knows it too period last night he told me, Mr. Lee, that he thinks I've torn down the wall that he'd been building for so long. And today he said he wants to travel a whole world with me. Also today he said he had a big problem because he thought he's in love with me I asked why that's a problem and he said that love is always a problem the difference is this time he said it with a smile! The Andreas I know now seems like a totally different person than the one I knew 5 days ago. And it's such a great feeling to know that I brought about this change and I did it by showing him how deeply I care. So anyway, we have made plans that I will come back in August when he has a couple of weeks of vacation and we can tour around on his motorcycle, probably in the Swiss Alps. And we'll see what happens from there.

           Another interesting thing happened today. I told Andreas as soon as I got here that of course, I had to meet Mr. Meitinger and thank him for his help. But Andrea said it probably wouldn't happen because he's a very busy man but he see what he could do. Today I met Andreas in Munich and he told me he thought we could see Mr. Meitinger for about 2 minutes in the afternoon but there was no guarantee. We got to the office and we were invited in an office where another man exchanged small talk with us for a few minutes and told me how large the Technical University is, with 25,000 or so students and said that the president is a very busy man, etc . . . it turns out that this man talking to us was some sort of a PR man. It felt like a debriefing session or something. After about 10 minutes this man left and returned soon after ushering a kind looking older man who I correctly assumed to be Mr. Meitinger. he spoke very little English but I greeted him with a kiss and thanked him. He told me it was good to meet me and that he wished me a good stay in Germany and then excused himself. I'm very glad to have met him. All during the whole business everyone seemed to have an air of amusement about them (the secretary, the PR man, Mr. Meitinger, etc . . .). apparently, the whole affair is famous. Andreas and I are probably the most well-known couple in the history of the university. Since Mr. Meitinger doesn't know English, his secretary had to translate the letter, and the task of finding Andreas was assigned to someone else (who sent his regards to me, regarding that he couldn't be there today for the meeting). and then, of course, there are all the Andreas in the architecture department who know the story, who I'm sure have told their friends and girlfriends, etc . . . Andreas always introduces me to people as “Julie . . . from Nashville” almost as if Nashville is a code word or something. Then a look of realization comes over their faces and they smile real big and say, “OHHHH! I see!” or something like that. Saturday night we went to this little pub in a small town about 15 miles away it was really remote and one of the guys Andreas introduced me to recognize who I was at the mention of where I'm from. My fame reaches even the remote villages of Bavaria! I think our blossoming relationship is the only fitting result of the pursuit which is so infamous. And I can only say that I knew it all along. Not sure how but I knew.

Sorry this letter was so long incoming!

Love,

Julie